Every once in a while you find an ad that is a real head scratcher:
1991 ROOKIE & TRADED CARD SET – $90
Score 1991 Rookie & Traded Baseball Card Set.Box Set Unopened.110 Player Cards and 10 Trivia Cards.Will trade for Silver Dollars or Gun.
First Take: Such a simple ad, but man does it pack a punch! A 3 dollar set for silver dollars or a gun. How freaking random are those items. Also what does he need a gun for? Finally, do I even want to try this one, I mean the guy wants a gun. Of course I’m going to do it. Lord Bynun has to!
The Emails:
Me: Good day sir, I was perusing the List of Craig and I came across your tantalizing ad. 110 card set for a mere $90, amazing sir, I am just speechless, I even had to call for my serf over to re read the ad. Sir, I need to know what kind of adventures these cards have been on.
Sincerely.
Lord Bynun III
CI: I was hoping to the 90 or a gun, I’m willing to take either, what do you mean adventure?
Me: Sir, I need to know what kind of adventures these cards have gone through. I need to know if they have gone on any crusades? Maybe a joust? I’d even accept a Kingdom rebellion. I just need to be certain that these cards have seen some adventurous days. I am a fan of cards with unique battle scars. I can assure you sir that 90 or a weapon is of no concern to me as I can afford either.
Sincerely.
Lord Bynun III
CI: What kind of gun do you have? This is a antique set and I assure you its a bargain at 90. What time can we meet? I dont think that these cards have had any adventures, you can come by and see it yourself, call me at 999-999-9999.
Me: What not sure if it has gone on an adventure? Sir are you some kind of imbecile? If the cards have been on an adventure you would know sir! Even my servants would be able to tell if it has seen action. Maybe I should send my servants over there and teach you a thing or two about cards. Let me check the e of Bay and see if these cards (minus battle scars) are worth the 90 dollars or gun you ask for.
Sincerely.
Lord Bynun III
CI: Whatever, just let me know if you want it. Call me OK?
Me: Sir! How dare you try and fleece me!!! I could have this set of cards for $3 plus shipping. What is wrong with you? How could you expect a weapon for three dollars? Go see for yourself, the E of Bay is always right on these kinds of things. Sir I could bring you up on charges of fraud for this. The King will not be happy about this!
Sincerely.
Lord Bynun III
CI: What the fuck is wrong with you? Go fuck off and you better fucking pray I never find you or you will find out all about my need of a weapon.
Sincerely
Fuck Off Asshole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Sir, I have sent my knights for you and I told them to see that they scar up the cards for me. I also have sent them with $3 or a water gun. Your choice really. Plus if you want to learn more about this sort of thing, please go to the following site <link>. I hope when my knights arrive, they take care of you. The King will thank me for exposing the fraud you are.
Sincerely,
Me
End of Emails
Final Take: What a loon! I don’t understand what the heck this guy was thinking. Would you really invite someone over who HAS A GUN to get a three dollar set? Even better is the someone dumb enough to hand a gun to someone who is as much of an idiot as this guy? Oh wait he’s a major idiot. I hope you enjoyed!
I’ll never know how the thought process works for these jerks but damn if isn’t funny to see it play out.
Not a bad job, this time. Although, I think that it’s wise to be careful in teasing survivalists dumping junk wax in exchange for weaponry. I hope that this List of Craig merchant hath be in another parsonage than Lord Bynun livest in.
I’ve seen this kind of metals exchange nonsense before. Last year, I saw a golf cart for sale at a clay shooting range near me. It had a sign on it that said, “$1500 or $450 in silver coin.” I’m thinking–”Who’s got silver coin, anyway? Is that face value or bullion value? I certainly don’t have over 400 Morgan or Peace dollars lying around, and certainly not for a used golf cart.”
Looks like a typical case of a survivalist counting on Doomsday being only a fortnight away, and complaining today about “fiat paper” money in the meantime. If he’s afraid of paper money, then EFT must look like powerful juju magic.
If this end-timer could instead ask for ammo, then that could actually be reasonable. A six dollar box of bullets might be an even, acceptable trade, assuming you could find that rare individual looking to swap colored cardboard for hollow points. Is the set Football, Hockey, or Baseball? Depending upon the sport, he may or may not find someone more likely to barter the caliber of his choice to match what he has in his truck.
I wonder why he didn’t ask to trade for gold dust instead of silver. That would be cool. Like old-timey Western prospector days. It’s too bad that gold is so super expensive in that valueless fiat paper. Besides, what does he have against Italian vehicle manuals?
Everybody knows that even $90 guns are useless against the Zombie Government Werewolf Apocalypse unless the cartridge is full. Maybe he could throw a 1991 Score Luis Gonzalez at ‘em when the time comes. In the meantime, he’s probably chillin’ in his bunker, stocked up with Spam, Gatorade, and Amy Reid videos to tide him over.
Another great one….a friggin gun??? LOL, Keep up the GREAT work, I even have my wife, who unless Im pulling an Jordan/Patch card, which I did 3 years ago, and sold on the Bay of E for $4,400, even making SCD’s top 10 auctions of the week reading your Craigslist Idiots, hilarious man, keep it up!!!! Happy New Years buddy!!!!
I also forgot how much I love at least twenty-nine exclamation points at the end of a sentence. Although clearly intended to convey how much somebody really means what they say “super hard”, it mostly makes me think that they fell off a cliff or into a deep well while yelling at you:
“Fukk hyoo assssshooooooooooooooooooooooolllllllleeee………………”